In India, it is always hard to impress our parents on a consistent basis. To impress our in-laws is harder. To impress both is the hardest.
Mothers-in-law are not bad
The mother-in-law – that unique blend of family and formality. We have to understand that they are mothers first. They want better things for their children and they want better decisions to be made. The only caveat is… they want to make those decisions.
That’s where all the problems begin. Apart from this, there are a few items we have to hide from them.
This applies to both husbands and wives. Let’s understand what those are.
7 things to hide from your mother-in-law
Whether you adore her or tread lightly, there are just some things best kept under wraps. Buckle up, because here’s the ultimate guide to what you should hide from your mother-in-law to keep things running smoothly. Trust me, this is wisdom hard-earned from countless dinners, awkward silences, and raised eyebrows.
Navigating the delicate dynamics with one’s mother-in-law is a journey many individuals in India embark upon when they enter married life. While respecting and cherishing this relationship is crucial, maintaining certain boundaries and privacy is equally important for a healthy and harmonious family environment.
Here are seven India-specific considerations applicable to both husbands and wives to keep in mind when it comes to interactions with their mother-in-law.
1. Personal Finances:
Financial matters often remain a sensitive topic within families. In Indian households, discussions around income, expenses, or debts can carry additional weight due to cultural expectations and norms. It’s advisable for both spouses to maintain privacy regarding their personal finances with their mother-in-law. While seeking financial advice or guidance is understandable, keeping the specifics within the immediate family unit ensures autonomy and avoids potential conflicts or misunderstandings.
2. Intimate Relationship Details:
Privacy regarding one’s intimate relationship with their spouse is paramount. In Indian culture, discussions about romantic or physical intimacy are considered private and are typically not shared with extended family members, including the mother-in-law. Both spouses should refrain from disclosing intimate details to maintain respect, dignity, and privacy within their marital relationship.
3. Family Conflicts or Disputes:
Disagreements and conflicts are inevitable in any family, but airing these grievances with one’s mother-in-law can exacerbate tensions and strain relationships. Whether it’s a disagreement with extended family members or conflicts between the spouses themselves, it’s advisable to handle these matters internally, within the immediate family unit. Seeking external mediation or professional guidance can be beneficial if conflicts persist.
4. Personal Health Issues:
Every couple argues, but your mother-in-law doesn’t need to know about the latest spat over who forgot to take out the trash. Presenting a united front can save you a world of unsolicited advice and concerned phone calls.
Think of it this way: would you want your spouse’s family to know every little gripe you have? Probably not. So, save the nitty-gritty details of your squabbles for your best friend or a journal. Your mother-in-law can continue to see you both as the epitome of marital bliss, and you can avoid those “helpful” suggestions.
5. Criticisms of Her Child (Your Spouse):
Critiquing or complaining about one’s spouse to their mother can strain relationships and lead to resentment. In Indian culture, respecting and honoring one’s parents, including the spouse’s parents, is deeply ingrained. Instead of venting frustrations with the mother-in-law, spouses should address concerns directly with their partner in a respectful and constructive manner.
6. Parenting Choices and Decisions:
Parenting styles vary widely, and disagreements may arise between spouses and their mother-in-law regarding child-rearing practices. While seeking advice or support from experienced family members is common, final parenting decisions should be made by the spouses based on their family’s values and beliefs. Both partners should communicate openly and respectfully with their mother-in-law while asserting their autonomy as parents.
7. Negative Opinions About Her:
Expressing negative opinions or criticisms about one’s mother-in-law can strain relationships and create tension within the family. In Indian households, maintaining harmony and respect towards elders is valued greatly. Instead of dwelling on grievances, spouses should focus on building positive and respectful relationships with their mother-in-law. Addressing any concerns or issues diplomatically and constructively, if necessary, can foster understanding and strengthen family bonds.
Navigating the complexities of the relationship with one’s mother-in-law requires sensitivity, patience, and clear communication. While maintaining boundaries and privacy is essential, fostering mutual respect, understanding, and harmony within the family is equally important. By prioritizing open dialogue, respecting cultural norms, and maintaining privacy on certain matters, both husbands and wives can cultivate positive and fulfilling relationships with their mother-in-law in the Indian context.
